Ralph Waldo Emerson once said this, and we like to assume he was talking about the Bloomington South bathroom review: “Without it, he is not yet man. Without it, thought can never ripen into truth. Whilst the world hangs before the eye as a cloud of beauty, we cannot even see its beauty.”

Some of the bathrooms within South reflect this beauty described by Ralph, while others do not fare as well. With this in mind, it is essential to have a proper appreciation for the various South lavatory options. To accomplish this, we visited and reviewed every bathroom inside of South available to students in order to provide the people with a perfect reference when pondering where to do their business.

*DISCLAIMER*

All of these reviews were taken during fifth period, trimester one, of the 2022 school year and are strictly our opinions. These reviews are also solely based on the men’s restrooms (as we are lads), however, it is of our opinion that there will likely be strong similarities between the two. We do not blame the janitorial staff for the state of our bathrooms, as they do a wonderful job, and we as students must work to keep them in a more sterile and welcoming state.

Background: The bathrooms were rated on three different key aspects: cleanliness, smell, and busyness. 

• Cleanliness is determined through the quality of the floor and stalls, which at times can appear quite appalling.
•  The smell is self-explanatory, and the bathrooms failing to produce a bearable odor fell quite short in this category. A 10 represents the best smelling bathrooms while a 0 represents the bathrooms in which you hold your nose for the entirety of the trip.
•  Busyness is our own observation of how busy on average one bathroom is on a schoolwide standard. A 0 represents an incredibly busy bathroom, and a 10 represents a bathroom that is nearly always vacant. 
• Please note: while these measurements were mostly made up of our observations fifth period, we also took into account what we typically experience on any given day in each restroom.

First Floor Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 5

Smell: 2

Busyness: 0

This is the busiest bathroom in the building. Every visit is sure to be an absolute experience, for lack of better words. Many different aromas can be observed drifting from this bathroom on a daily basis, and usually, they are not welcoming. This being said, it is very convenient and consistently puts up numbers so all you can really do is tip your cap to this legend of a privy.

Second Floor A Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 5

Smell: 4

Busyness: 3

Second Floor C Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 2

Smell: 9

Busyness: 8

This bathroom is your best bet should you find yourself needing a lavatory on the second floor. A very good choice overall. 

Second Floor B Right Bathroom:

Cleanliness:8

Smell:6

Busyness:7

Second Floor B Left Bathroom:

Cleanliness:6

Smell: 5

Busyness: 8

B-Wing Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 4

Smell: 6

Busyness: 8

This bathroom is quite spacious.

Carmichael Hall Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 9

Smell: 8

Busyness: 10

Carmichael Hall is home to the most aesthetically pleasing bathroom in the building. The checkered patterns give a sense of luxury to the visitor, and the lack of use during the school day keeps them smelling and looking brand new. 

Band Hallway Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 3

Smell: 2

Busyness: 4

While this bathroom may look cool with its marble trim, it is severely outdated with the water pressure on the flushes being sub-par leading to a permanent unpleasant odor. Some conspire that the school drew inspiration from the second-floor girls’ lavatory from Hogwarts, and there are even claims of band students running into Moaning Myrtle.

Purple Gym (Outside) Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 7

Smell: 9

Busyness: 10

Purple Gym (Inside) Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 10

Smell: 9

Busyness: 10

This is what we like to call the holy grail of South. It is in the back of nearly every student’s mind that this bathroom exists, yet do we ever find ourselves stopping in to do our business? It is the epitome of privacy, and the men’s side even has sectioned-off urinals due to it previously being a women’s restroom. This is a fortress of solitude and personal reflection that truly every student should experience in their four years.

Third Floor A Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 2

Smell: 5

Busyness: 2

Third Floor B Bathroom:

Cleanliness:2

Smell: 7

Busyness: 7

Probably the best bathroom on the third floor should you not want to make your way to the gym. Very solid option overall.

Third Floor C Bathroom:

Cleanliness: 1

Smell: 1

Busyness: 1

Definitely the lowest ranking bathroom at South. Only in the most dire of circumstances should you find yourself within the gates of this poop dungeon especially with some great bathrooms within arms reach in the gym. 

Picks: Purple Gym Inside and Carmichael Hall

Both of these bathrooms are hidden gems of South, as neither is ever busy, and they are the perfect place to do your business. With this lack of traffic comes very high sanitation which is another huge plus. Your long trek to these bathrooms will surely be rewarding, as you are treated with a faculty-level experience.

Final Thoughts:

As this review comes to a close we request that every reader takes this with a grain of salt. We do not have any previous qualifications supporting our takes. We are simply two optimists, journalists, and enthusiasts with a passion for the betterment of the student body.